As mothers, we become so engrossed in taking care of our children that we often lose site of ourselves. I know that after I had Kayle, I didn’t want to do anything else but take care of her and spend time with her and just be with her (and I still do of course!). When I decided to go back to work, I was saddened at the fact that I would not be around her 24/7 but somehow knew that it would be good for the both of us. Did I miss her? Of course. Did she miss me? I’m pretty sure she did. But going to work was the beginning of me finding myself again, finding who Colleen was besides a mother, and that helped to make me a better mother.
Now, I’m going back to school to better myself and to make a better life for Kayle. Nevertheless, I feel like I’m in that place again, where I need to find myself outside of school. One part of me just wants to study til I can’t study anymore and the other part of me doesn’t want to see another book again. I’ve tried a few things – going out with some classmates, signing up for thsi and that – but nothing completely satisfying. So I’m still on the hunt for something I’ll truly enjoy doing for me. I’m contemplating taking come classes and the gym. Now just to build up the nerve to go by myself (silly, I know)!